i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
