Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
