I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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