Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
it glows. i had to have it.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
