its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
