Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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