so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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