You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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