The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
