I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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