So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
