So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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