Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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