Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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