so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
