Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It's rum buckets o'clock
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
