Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
