Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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