unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
