actually, I'm a sock model
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
