Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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