god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
