His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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