im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He passed out mid-signature
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
