the day after is always just damage control
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You ruined the universe
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
