Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
