Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
