I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
