Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
