I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
