I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
