Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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