You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
