o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
