At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
