the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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