i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
