I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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