he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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