doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
