Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
