Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
