Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
