girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I DEMAND FORESKIN
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
