do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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