I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
