I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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