You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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