sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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