I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Come on in and take your pants off
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